


if i could i'd trade my heart for a second brain

by GoldenBadWolf



Series: you can sing to it, dance to it, fall in love with it. [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Light Angst, Pete's World (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-29 06:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20077738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenBadWolf/pseuds/GoldenBadWolf
Summary: emotions were difficult without any of his typical outlets





	if i could i'd trade my heart for a second brain

**Author's Note:**

> this is completely unedited and a mess but i forgot about this august writing challenge thing and panicked

_I don't wanna talk about it_  
_I don't wanna think about it_  
_Because the last time that_  
_I had these thoughts_  
_I just kept going on about it_

* * *

The Doctor was annoyed. Which wasn’t an uncommon thing now. Between a very sudden change of lifestyle and universe, it was only an eventual outcome. His patience was at a very low point and recently, his impulses have been trigger happy.

Rose was convinced a lot of it had to do with the lack of time and space at his fingertips and an overwhelming amount (at least to him) of domestic things like dishes. Which, sure, working 9-5 everyday and coming back home to a cheap flat rather than a multi-dimensional spaceship could be a bother. But it was a lot deeper than that. Well, the majority of it.

It had been nine months since the fully timelord Doctor left them in the parallel universe. Nine months to adapt to seeing Jackie Tyler on a near daily basis, cope with having pretty boys flirt with Rose at work, figure out how the hell to busy himself without making random objects sonic, and learn what it actually means to keep things tidy.

In the beginning, he had felt so alien. So terribly out of place. He found himself in the make-shift TARDIS incubator quite often then. Venting his frustrations and questioning why this was happening to the growing coral. There was never a familiar hum in response though. It was just a gentle and small telepathic comfort. He guessed that the coral could empathize with him. Considering she was a piece of her old self having to start all over again.

But that’s where Rose became a lifeline for the both of them. The coral had a stronger telepathic connection with her than him. He assumed it was because of the time she absorbed the time vortex to save him. As soon as their future TARDIS realized this, she latched onto Rose and started to really bloom. Rose compared it to having a song stuck in her head. And an alert mechanism for when the Doctor fell in far too deep into his own thoughts.

He’d really lost control of his emotions. They filtered through him at full power and there was no way to tell them to buzz off. He’d find himself overwhelmed in the shed. Usually acting on an impulse that could easily cause major bodily harm, if not his death. And he wouldn’t even realize until Rose was bursting through the door.

There were times when she was able to get him back to his senses. Sitting him down and letting him rant or just cry. Let out all his grief and guilt. There were others where arguments broke out. Shouting matches over who was putting effort in and who wasn’t. Projecting such human inconveniences onto one another. And there were times were nothing would happen. At least, for the Doctor. He’d be so trapped in his own mind. Rose’s voice barely breaking through- only faint waves of her running through his mind. But she was always there when he came back. Whether it be minutes or hours, the middle of a shift at Torchwood or the middle of the night, she was there for him when he could actually see again.

It was this that annoyed him. Because he refused to ask for help or tell anyone. Because he didn’t want to need it. He’d rather tinker and explore and save worlds than confront his difficult emotions. But he only had one of those outlets. And that was only when Rose decided that the technology could do with an upgrade.

Exploring was out of the question because of Torchwood and Jackie Tyler. Work demanded their attention near-constantly and Rose had already promised her mother that they would stay close as their TARDIS grew. It meant that he was stuck in central London. Once the wonders of a parallel universe wore off and grew routine, it was just another mass of bustling humans.

Saving worlds wasn’t an option because he was stuck on Earth. It still was invaded by aliens. Only on four separate occasions while he’s been here. But it wasn’t like he was going off the top of his head and running through the mess. He was stuck following protocols and watching from afar.

He had Rose. He knew that. But sometimes, it seemed it was just becoming apart of the routine when it came to complaining about this anger fading into annoyance to her.

**Author's Note:**

> im on tumblr in case you're interested in higher quality things: goldenbadwolf
> 
> (title and opening lyrics are from Dizzy by Waterparks)


End file.
